It’s a question frequently asked of expectant parents, “Do you want a boy or a girl?” At some point in time, we have either heard this familiar answer or we have used the statement ourselves to answer that question, “We don’t have a preference; we just want it to be healthy.”
It sounds like a good answer, but I’ve often wanted to ask the follow-up question, “But, what if it isn’t healthy? Then what?” I don’t say that to be critical or condescending, but as someone who has found herself in the position of giving birth to an unhealthy baby, I wonder if some expectant parents have really thought about how they would answer that question.
Sammy spent nearly 4 months in the neonatal ICU following his birth. It was a rather large NICU that could accommodate 60+ babies at any one time, and it was often at capacity. Except for the day following my c-section due to my own health crisis and the day following my gall bladder removal 5 weeks later, I was at Sammy’s bedside daily. I saw newborn babies admitted for observation following c-section deliveries. I saw micro-preemies who were too fragile to be held. I saw twins, triplets, and quads. I saw infants born with drug addictions. I saw babies needing oxygen, intubated and on ventilators, with feeding tubes, and with scars indicating that they had needed surgery of some kind. I saw babies leave the NICU to go home with their parents, and I saw parents leave the NICU with empty arms.
They say that “home is where the heart is”; well, during those four months, my heart was in that NICU. After spending a little while there, I began to feel overwhelmed and depressed by the fact that it seemed as if every baby was sick because that is all I saw every day. Finally, a little reality kicked in and I reminded myself that healthy babies were being born every day in that hospital and also in hospitals and homes around the world.
I think maybe I spent a little too much time focused on and worrying about babies who were sick, but I also think that we sometimes take it for granted that pregnancies will go perfectly and babies will be born healthy. But, what if?
Life in the NICU
Sammy Yammy and HoPE 
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