Tag Archives: motherhood

A childless mother

22 Sep

“Do you have children?” That’s an awkward question for me to answer at times. Typically, my response is, “I do. I have a son in heaven.” My answer may catch the other person off guard, but I’ve found that it’s the easiest way for me to say it.

Other times, the question comes as a part of a conversation, and that’s where it gets a little trickier. For example, a co-worker and I were chatting about back-to-school shopping several weeks ago, and she asked, “Do you have kids?” Relative to our discussion, I knew that she was really asking if I had kids needing school clothes, and I answered the question with the simple word “no”. As soon as the word escaped from my mouth, I realized that I didn’t like the way it sounded. I then corrected my response and explained about Sammy.

Last night, I attended the introductory session of a ladies’ Bible study at church, and each of the 40+ women there was asked to stand up, introduce herself, and tell a little something about herself. A majority of the women said their name and then told the number of children and/or grandchildren they had; thus, defining themselves as mothers.

I was one of the last to introduce myself, and as my turn grew closer and closer, I felt my anxiety increasing. At first, I considered just introducing myself and keeping it short and sweet, but that just didn’t feel right. Of the 40+ women there, probably one-quarter of them knew Sammy and were there with me at various times in my spiritual journey, so I felt like I needed to pay tribute to that. So, I took a deep breath and shared a little bit about Sammy’s life.

I came across a phrase recently that describes my parental role…”a childless mother”. I’m still a mother and I always will be, but I am without a child. Some days, I’m okay with that description; other days, not so much. On the positive side, I’m thankful that Sammy will never be a fatherless or motherless child because I know that to be absent from me is for him to be present with his Heavenly Father, and there’s no greater place to be!